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The thing is that some of the moment already happened in the past, and i'm quite chill while dealing with it, so i didn't considered it as a problem.
And i've got the flashback and the furious feeling towards it today. So i went to Gerobak Kopi Jenggo in the evening as usual, and randomly met some friends whos not a reguler there, lets just call them the bird and the bee.
So we do a little chit chat, talks about memories, talks about hows the future gonna be after some event that recently happened. And then after some chat and laugh, this topics came out in the conversation. The bird told me that this subject (lets just call her princess) bad mouthing me behind my back a few years back. I don't really mind about it at first, but then it went on and thats the time i realized, she's not only bad mouthing me once, and i'm not the only victim. It just hit me that, "Woow.... i don't really know that you have such a freaking double standard towards people, especially me in this case". And the bees also told me that she was once also been told by that girl to stay away from me because... i don't know... i'm kind and playful to her? And shes not they only girl that has been told that way, theres some others too. And their mind was set at first because the way that princess told them to.
But as time goes by, it almost i don't know, 2 years maybe? The first time those thoughts and words, those silly freaking double standard idealism went out her mouth, and to make it worst, those words that supposed be thrown at me, she throw it to others, she provoke them. Well okay mam, if you have problem with me, please do talk to me directly, not by bad mouthing in my back while do a smile to me you cry baby piece of shit.
I never curse this much when talking about a girl for quite a time, my mom didn't raised me that way, She always told me that i have to put a lot of respect towards girls. I'm sorry mom, but while thinking about it again and again and again, i feel like that this piece of shit has successfully ruin my image, she provoke others to think about me the same as how she sees me.
What i mean about the double standard here, is this:
- When men (me) being kind to a girl (beside her), she said that the men is flirty, coquettish, and the girls need to stay away from him
- But she demand that the mens have to be nice to her
- And when the men decide to step away and be normal, even minimize the interaction to the girls, she'll said that the men was weird, grumpy, and has a problems and have to deal with it. WTF??
- And when some mens (who was close with her, or often scold her about hows she do things) close with those girls, she sees it as normal, as some good friend with different sex. But when the subject change to the men whos not that close with her, she'll judge him as a playboy, womanizer, and then provoke other girls to stay away from that men. Okay.... what did i do wrong here....
Okay, actually its not really a pretty big deal. But i fucking snap because of how could she said those things? Do i fuck one of her girl friend? Do i break one of her girl friend's heart? No fucking way. It seems like being nice and playful to girls is considered 'Something' to you, and like a disease, i need to be avoided.
Hey, bro, i'm one of the people whos not judging you while the others do. I'm the one who stand up for you while others insult you. I'm the one who'll be ready to help anytime you need me.
And this is how you do it behind my back?
Do you know anything about respect?
You're the one who told me that you didn't like to be judged, to not get respected, and to be treated harshly. SO WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT TO OTHERS
You piece of shit.
Thanks god i'm still kind enough not to shove it all the fact down your throat.
Maybe tomorrow i'll already be forgetting all about this. But for now, just for now.... its like this.... if your house is on fire, and i'm holding a bucket of water, i will definitely drink it and throw the bucket to your face
