Those Words

Its friday 4th 8pm

I was working my ass off meeting the head of online driver in Jatinangor near Bunga Mas.

We were chatting a lot of how business done here and whats the flaw and all those complains.

He told me that he and his team would help me if I needed any. I dont know either to trust or just play on with it, but what the hell, let me try to build a hope towards people for the beginning of this new year.

And if in the ends it bounce back to me, at least I learned something wouldnt I?

It may cost me my job, but, theres nothing wrong to held your ends to somebody once a while, evenly onto a total stranger.

Im trying to start to trust people again

I had a chitchat with Andri afterwards and went to Hermit to buy some coffee for the vicehead.

There I met Vincent, a junior from campus whom I knew from The Hermit.

He's bringing that book, the book of poetry.

I just took a glance at it since Im not really into those short of things, at first.

After the usual chitchat here and there, I tried to open that book and read some of the content.

Im amazed

Those words lined up perfectly, even someone like me whos not into poetry got mesmerized by the words.

Its written buy a guy named Remy Sylado.

I cant stop reading his words, it took my soul and attach it into it.

I remember one of his poem

Its named

ANTARA MABUK DAN SIUMAN

Pernah dari rasam yang mengitari diri

turun cerita dari para pandai rawi

bahwa perbekalan cinta hanyut di sebuah keangkuhan

cadarnya tanggal dan matanya telanjang

tiada tali yang mengikat ekor sejarah

Apa yang diharap dari mabuk ini?

Pernah dari salam pada nyala api

yang mengobar menyingkirkan kesumat

kubiarkan asapnya memedihkan selaput mata

bersatu kabut dan menyusunnya jadi perjanjian

kuambil tali dan mengikat cinta pada sejarah

apa yang diharap dari siuman ini?

Dalam mabuk aku tak pernah takut

pada siapa pun

Dalam siuman aku selalu takut

pada diriku sendiri.

Im stunned

I really am stunned of those last sentences

Dalam mabuk aku tak pernah takut

pada siapa pun

Dalam siuman aku selalu takut

pada diriku sendiri.

I do mr Remy, 

I do

Im terrified of myself when Im sane

When Im all alone and sane, and those logic, thinking, and thoughts buzzing in.

Im afraid of me

I got too many flaws to count

And too many sins thatve been done and will be

Im afraid of dissapointing people, and mostly, myself

Im afraid that every step I take would dissapoint myself in the future and my past self.

But when Im drunk, I never afraid of anything

Its like being a bird, wandering around in the skies freely

Im free

Maybe this is why people love being drunk, or high

They were free

At least in that state, nothing else matter, just you and yourself, minding your own business

I always knew that being mature is hard, but I never knew that it would be this hard

So

I'd rather being a child than to be mature but drunk all the time

Its so simple yet so hard

But thats life folks

Its not a fucking wonderland

Dear my future and past self

Please dont be mad at me

And if one day Ive done something that would crush us

Please, remind me of own self

Me