Random Lullaby

My mind works in such a funny way

It works in such a random way 

Every thoughts come pouring in unexpected time


Growing such a curiousity about everything in between

On a random place and random time and even about the most random things

Read my previous early few post and you'll saw my mumbling 

Every words of it doesnt even meant anything in the real life that day

Not talking about someone or something as in specific

Getting those thoughts in words here only just to erase those random lullaby that sang happily in my mind


Those words are the way to communicate between my consciousness and the sound in my head

Example is that time when I'm playing games in PC, while my hand is holding the controller, my eyes focused on the monitor, but my mind wanders away about someone who lies

Lurking about the moment when someone lies when you already know the truth

Under those odd conversation with my self which has no meaning whatsoever in my current daily life

Random Lullaby sings happily while my physical body doing another thing to get through the day

I call her the devil

Cause she makes me wanna sin

And every time she knocks

I cant help but let her in

High Five

I really wanna be as high as this five right now

Kota segaris, jutaan kenangan

Selalu indah di kala malam

Orang bilang ini negeri mimpi

Tiap sudutnya penuh arti

Sebenci apapun mereka dengan kota kecil ini

Di satu titik

Mereka selalu ingin kembali

Selamat malam Jatinangorku

Eye didnt see

Its funny when you know about something but someone still lies or hide it away

And you just play along, being stupid, and nodding your head smiling

"Ohya?"
"Hoo gitu"
"Okede haha"
"Au deh"

The usual catchphrase that came from my mouth when that moment arise

Its hard enough to act like you dont know anything when the fact is you know too much, and even harder when its by accident

But thats none of my business isnt it?

Better to just play along

Because when someone thinks that youre easily fooled, you'll know the nature of that someone

And when the time come, I already know what to do

"Ohya? Haha okede"

Those Words

Its friday 4th 8pm

I was working my ass off meeting the head of online driver in Jatinangor near Bunga Mas.

We were chatting a lot of how business done here and whats the flaw and all those complains.

He told me that he and his team would help me if I needed any. I dont know either to trust or just play on with it, but what the hell, let me try to build a hope towards people for the beginning of this new year.

And if in the ends it bounce back to me, at least I learned something wouldnt I?

It may cost me my job, but, theres nothing wrong to held your ends to somebody once a while, evenly onto a total stranger.

Im trying to start to trust people again

I had a chitchat with Andri afterwards and went to Hermit to buy some coffee for the vicehead.

There I met Vincent, a junior from campus whom I knew from The Hermit.

He's bringing that book, the book of poetry.

I just took a glance at it since Im not really into those short of things, at first.

After the usual chitchat here and there, I tried to open that book and read some of the content.

Im amazed

Those words lined up perfectly, even someone like me whos not into poetry got mesmerized by the words.

Its written buy a guy named Remy Sylado.

I cant stop reading his words, it took my soul and attach it into it.

I remember one of his poem

Its named

ANTARA MABUK DAN SIUMAN

Pernah dari rasam yang mengitari diri

turun cerita dari para pandai rawi

bahwa perbekalan cinta hanyut di sebuah keangkuhan

cadarnya tanggal dan matanya telanjang

tiada tali yang mengikat ekor sejarah

Apa yang diharap dari mabuk ini?

Pernah dari salam pada nyala api

yang mengobar menyingkirkan kesumat

kubiarkan asapnya memedihkan selaput mata

bersatu kabut dan menyusunnya jadi perjanjian

kuambil tali dan mengikat cinta pada sejarah

apa yang diharap dari siuman ini?

Dalam mabuk aku tak pernah takut

pada siapa pun

Dalam siuman aku selalu takut

pada diriku sendiri.

Im stunned

I really am stunned of those last sentences

Dalam mabuk aku tak pernah takut

pada siapa pun

Dalam siuman aku selalu takut

pada diriku sendiri.

I do mr Remy, 

I do

Im terrified of myself when Im sane

When Im all alone and sane, and those logic, thinking, and thoughts buzzing in.

Im afraid of me

I got too many flaws to count

And too many sins thatve been done and will be

Im afraid of dissapointing people, and mostly, myself

Im afraid that every step I take would dissapoint myself in the future and my past self.

But when Im drunk, I never afraid of anything

Its like being a bird, wandering around in the skies freely

Im free

Maybe this is why people love being drunk, or high

They were free

At least in that state, nothing else matter, just you and yourself, minding your own business

I always knew that being mature is hard, but I never knew that it would be this hard

So

I'd rather being a child than to be mature but drunk all the time

Its so simple yet so hard

But thats life folks

Its not a fucking wonderland

Dear my future and past self

Please dont be mad at me

And if one day Ive done something that would crush us

Please, remind me of own self

Me

New Chapter

Its been years since the last time I write.

Since tumblr got blocked by the ironic indonesia's censorships commity I lost my will to write

And now I have gone to the next chapter of life

The campus days are over for years

The laughters, the silliness, the sadness, and every flavour of those chapter had long gone. Its already an end of an era

Theres a lot of thing goin on that I want to write, to tell here, but I dont even know where to begin.

For starter, lets just say, life got more complicated, new challenges has been noted, but the fun is also there.

Lots of thing comin is surely not easy, but an easy thing wont be fun, might as well just enjoy the ride

So

Like how those awkward conversation with the people from the past started, let me begin the first writing of the new chapter by saying,

"Hello, how are you"