The person who tries to keep everyone happy often ends up feeling the loneliest

- Note to self 

19 Conversation Techniques

So i've read this psychological things from a tumblr that was owned by some psychological student, and one of the article quite interest me. So this article is talking about some basic technique that we can use in a conversation, formal conversation for more specific. There's about 19 technique that was used here. 

And ohyeah, the credits goes to this person

Synthesizing: 

“So it seems like there are really three different issues going on here, which are…” Summarizing, which is what many people do, is boring and tedious to the other person. Synthesizing shows you are listening but goes further and adds value through big-picture thinking.

Active listening: 

Interjecting “OK, Uh huh, that’s right, I see” to communicate that you are paying attention.

Non-verbal listening: Using your body and eyes to show you are completely focused on the other person. Avoid “tells” like looking at your watch, letting your eyes wander around the room, and so on. 

Echoing: 

Repeating the last word spoken. Client: “So as a result, there’s very high attrition.” You: “Attrition.” Client: “Yes, we think it’s well above the industry average. In fact, last year we lost 20% of the sales force.” You: “20%” Client: “Well, some of it was uncontrollable attrition like retirements, but…”

Disclosure:

“I know what you mean—two years ago I also missed a major family event due to a deadline at work…” Sharing your own experiences, in a non-condescending manner, can create a more intimate and meaningful dialog. If you are interested in the psychology of this, look up the “Johari Window,” devised by Ingham and Luft . The idea is that mutual disclosure—not one person talking and the other simply listening—leads to empathy and understanding. 

Open-ended questions:

“What would it take to get alignment around this issue?” “What have your past experiences been with outside advisors?” There is some research which indicates that successful sales executives use more open-ended than closed-ended questions in the sales process. 

Provocative questions: 

“Why?” “So what?” “Why are you in this business?” “Why do you think you need outside help?” Last year, I was referred to an expert on newsletter marketing. I called him to explore how I might expand the circulation of Client Loyalty (it’s close to 3000 direct subscribers right now, and most of the articles are reprinted in other newsletters, giving them closer to 15,000 or 20,000 readers each month). His first question was, “So Andrew, why do you want more subscribers? Maybe you should have fewer.” At first I was irritated, but then I realized that I had not completely thought through what my goals for the newsletter were. His provocative question made me think. 

Provocative or “turnaround” answers: 

Client: “So what can you do for us?” You: “I don’t know” Client: “The CEO is challenging our use of consultants” You: “I don’t blame him.” 

Questions about the meaning of words: 

Client: “This is a very dysfunctional organization.” You: “What do you mean by ‘dysfunctional?’” Client: “Basically, we want our relationship managers to up their game and stop playing politics.” You: “What does ‘playing politics’ mean in your organization?” Don’t assume you understand exactly what your client means when he or she uses certain terms! 

Questions about the past: 

“How and when did this start?” 

Questions about the present: 

“What are you doing now to fix this?” 

Questions about the future: 

“If this project succeeds, what would things look like a year from now?” 

Personal questions: 

“What are your own aspirations in the organization?” “Who have your mentors been?” Don’t kid yourself—every client gains some personal value from working with us. 

Questions about feelings: 

“How did you feel about that decision?” Usually, we ask about thoughts—“What do you think?” Asking about feelings can tap into a whole new aspect of the issue. 

Use of humor: 

Appropriate jokes or quips, self-deprecation, “break the ice” humor, and so on.

Not answering: “I don’t know your company well enough to answer that. I can tell you what I’ll be looking for, however”; “I don’t know. Let me get back to you.” Saying “I don’t know” can build, not erode, trust. 

Questions about the question: 

“Let me make sure I understand your question: Are you asking if it’s a good idea or if it’s feasible?” Or, “I’m curious about why you’re asking me that…” (Note: be careful not to overuse this latter technique, which can come across as contrived or evasive if used too often or at the wrong moment). 

Questions about what is missing: 

“Is there anything I haven’t asked about that you think is relevant? 

Letting the client answer provocative questions: 

You don’t always have to have the answer! For example: You’re presenting to a group of client executives. Someone asks the question, “So you’ve demonstrated that our costs are 20% over the benchmark. I just don’t believe that.” You look at the person attentively, let your eyes wander to the other meeting participants, and remain silent for 3-5 seconds. Given the opening (your silence), another executive in the audience may very well jump in: “Oh come on, we’ve known this for years. That’s why our operating margins are so bad.” All of a sudden, your clients are having a healthy debate among themselves, and metaphorically you’re on the same side of the table. This has happened to me many, many times.

Tattoos

Entah kenapa, gw dari dulu pengen punya tatto. Bukan tatto naga ato tengkorak, gambar dan nama cewek, senjata, gambar2 sok seremm ato yang lebay2 gitu yang klewer2 muncul dilengan, dikaki, dll. Tapi tatto simpel kayak yang ada di gambar ini. Entah kenapa waktu gw ngeliat tatto difoto ini, gw ngeliat sesuatu, gw ngeliat kebebasan, gw ngeliat freedom 

Banyak yang bilang kalo bikin tatto itu dosa lah, engga bisa solat lah ntar, amal engga diterima lah, apalah. Pertanyaan gw, lo itu siapa sih bisa ngomong gitu? Yang nerima amal gw ato engga itu kan tuhan, kenapa kalian yang malah ngejudge kalau punya tatto berarti solatnya engga diterima? Niat solat pake bahasa Indonesia aja dibolehin pas solat, dan banyak kan kasus preman bertattoo disuruh tobat bla bla bla dengan disuruh rajin solat, terus kalo dia bertatto gimana? Mau tobat eh malah katanya gabisa solat karena bertatto. Tattoonya diilangin dulu? Biayain gih, dikira ngilangin tattoo semurah beli ciki diwarung

Hubungannya? Mau gimanapun bentuk atau caranya, amal seseorang terutama waktu sedang solat itu sebenernya tergantung dari niatnya kan? Niat solat untuk Tuhan. Terus emang orang bertattoo engga boleh beribadah gitu? Engga akan diterima ibadahnya? Terus orang2 kayak preman atau tipe orang lainnya yang bertatto engga bakal diterima ibadahnya cuma karena tattoo? Egois amat

Intinya cara lo ya cara lo, cara gw ya cara gw, yang penting kan niat kita sama2 tulus untuk menyembak tuhan

Oke off topic, jadi nyerempet agama gini *sigh*

Terus ada yang bilang kalo ditatto itu, ntar pori2nya tertutup dan sebagainya. Gw punya temen yang tattoan, and he can produce a sweat from his body part that has a tattoo on it, and he can still lives just fine. Kalo misalnya ditattoo bakal nutup pori2 kulit, bagian yang ditatto bakal cacat dong karena engga bisa mengeluarkan waste berupa keringat, tapi sampai selama ini, gw engga pernah ngedenger ada orang meninggal karena di tattoo. Seringnya orang bertattoo meninggal

And last, don’t judge a book by its cover 

Idiom satu ini emang ngena banget buat masalah nilai atau value seseorang dilihat dari penampilannya, terutama kepemilikan tattoo didalam bahasan ini. Gw sering kok ketemu orang yang bertattoo yang punya image kurang baik dari orang2 disekitarnya hanya karena dia bertattoo, tapi in fact, dulu gw sering ngobrol sama orang2 itu, dan dia baik, dia jujur, tulus, dan rajin beribadah, meskipun rada brengsek (Hey! We all do sometimes!) mereka setia kawan, dan pokoknya as soon as you know him, he’s just a same guy as the rest of us. Malah gw lebih sering ngeliat orang yang sok suci padahal brengsek, muka dua, backstabbers, dll, yang ternyata kelakuannya sangatlah sampah, tapi karena perawakan dia bersih rapi dll, orang2 yang belom kenal dia won’t even realize it. 

Again. Sebenernya jauh melenceng banget dari apa yang gw pengen tulis disini, padahal awalnya gw cuma pengen ngomong kalo entah kenapa gw pengen banget punya tattoo kayak yang di foto ini, tapi malah jadi ngeluarin uneg2 masalah tattoo. Oh well, engga ada salahnya kan sekalian curhat dikit :3

Gatau kenapa, tapi gw suka aja ngeliat cewek yang pake sweater tipe kayak gini, apalagi yang bagian tangannya kepanjangan dan ngelewatin ujung tangan dia. I think its kinda cute

Kuping, Otak, Hati

Enakan mana? Cerita sama orang yang bisa memberikan kita kuping, otak, atau hatinya? 

Mayoritas manusia terutama abg-abg atau orang seumuran kita gitu yang entah teenager atau apapun statusnya, pasti pengen punya orang yang bisa diceritain atau diajak ngobrol waktu kita sedang punya masalah kan, terutama masalah *ehem* hati

Tetapi tujuan kita cerita sendiri ada bermacam2, dan engga semua orang bisa memberikan apa yang kita inginkan atau tujuan dari kita cerita ke orang tersebut. Kalau menurut pengelihatan atau analisis gw pribadi, orang yang bisa diceritain itu bisa memberikan kita salah satu atau beberapa dari 3 hal ini: Kuping, Otak, dan Hati

Pertama, yang dimaksud bisa memberikan Kuping disini adalah, orang itu bisa jadi pendengar yang baik, ralat, cukup jadi pendengar yang baik.

Ada kalanya kita hanya ingin bercerita, berbagai, melepaskan sebagian beban yang nyangkut dipundak, hati, dan pikiran ini. Tapi kita tidak perlu komentar apa2 dari orang itu, kita cuma perlu orang itu mau dan serius mendengarkan, cukup mendengarkan, tidak lebih, tidak kurang.

Kalau diibaratkan, mereka itu seperti buku diary, kita hanya ingin menuliskan hal2 yang ada didalam kepala kita, tetapi tidak meminta balasan, hanya ingin menuliskan, dan untuk mengingatkan kita kedepannya

Kedua, yang dimaksud dengan memberikan Otak disini adalah, orang yang bisa memberikan saran yang logis atau masuk akal terhadap masalah yang sedang kita hadapi.

Akan tetapi, kadang saran dari orang yang bisa memberikan bantuan otaknya itu akan memberikan komentar atau respon yang cukup pedas ibaratnya seperti terkena tabok sehabis kita jatuh dari sepeda. Sakit? Ya jelas sakit, siapa juga yang mau kena tabok sehabis jatuh dari sepeda. Tetapi hal itu dilakukan dan kita terima ketika, karena hal tersebut itu dibutuhkan agar kita bisa tersadar dan kembali kejalur yang benar pada saat kita sedang berada dijalur dan berjalan kearah yang salah.

Kalau diibaratin kesepeda tadi, kita ditabok setelah jatuh karena pada dasarnya, salah kita sendiri naik sepeda tanpa berpegangan diturunan tajam yang banyak lubang. Kedengarannya bodoh kalau mendengar ada orang yang naik sepeda seperti itu, tapi hey, kadang2 kita tidak sadar kalau masalah yang kita hadapi itu tidak jauh dan tidak lebih bodoh dari metaphor sepeda barusan

Ketiga, yang dimaksud dengan memberikan Hati disini adalah, orang yang bisa memberikan kita suatu kenyamanan, orang yang bisa membela kita, yang bisa memberikan kita comfort pada saat kita sedang merasa rapuh, atau bahasa gaulnya orang yang bisa ngepukpuk-in kita secara fisik dan mental.

Tidak perduli salah atau benar, orang ini akan berusaha untuk membuat kita menjadi tenang, mungkin saja dengan cara menyalahkan hal atau pihak buruk yang sedang kita hadapi, meskipun pada kenyataannya kesalahan kita juga memiliki andil didalam keadaan tersebut, orang yang selalu berada dipihak kita pada saat kita benar ataupun salah

Kuping agar didengarkan

Otak agar disadarkan

Hati agar dipukpuk diberi kenyamanan

Pertanyaannya adalah, which one do you prefer? And which one are you?

Little things

When the fun things that you’ve been doing for several time has been taken back by someone who’s truly are responsible for that, than its time to search for a new fun things to do. Is it matter when you lost it? Well the answer is yes and no, why? Because that was some fun experience i’ve got there, but its really not my duty to do it. It was someone else who’s worth more. So i don’t mind, that means that when i close ‘one door’ of fun, then ‘another door’ we’ll be opened, it’ll leave me with the choice whether to move on and have a peek through other doors, or not and just stand and be satisfied with that little things i’ve been doing and have now in that room. 

Me? I’ve more of a man that starve of curiosity for lots of new experience and things, so here we go, lets take another peek and see if the things behind ‘the new door’ is worth it or not~

Sometimes, the simplest and silliest thing will give you lots of fun and happiness than you have ever anticipated, you’ll just have to try and realize it sooner before you lost it. Then someday you’ll said to yourself that those things, those little silly and simple things, can really make your day like it never before

Kejebak dikamar mandi

Tepatnya dikamar mandi kostan. Jadi emang akhir2 ini pintu kamar mandi jadi susah dibuka, harus rada ditendang dikit dari luar supaya kebuka kayak ada yang nyangkut2 gitu, tapi biasanya bagian dibuka dari dalem lancar2 aja, jadinya gw mikir kalo yang agak nyangkut ato rusak itu di kenop bagian luarnya. 

Nah hari ini, tepatnya tanggal 26 Januari 2013, pukul 17.14 waktu gw lagi mandi, begitu gw mau keluar, ternyata PINTUNYA STUCK! FAK GILA GILA GILA, padahal gw udah ditungguin sama temen buat ketemu jam 5, dan dari jam 5 sampe jam 6 gw kekunci dikamar mandi!

Helloooooouuu mas yoga, mungkin ini yang namanya karma karena kemaren melakukan hal berdosa secara berjamaah waktu lagi ngumpul dan nginep dengan temen2 kkn di bandung ._.

Sekian dulu, kepala masih puyeng karena capek dan keujanan abis tadi jalan keluar, besok2 lagi baru nyeritain kronologis kekunci dan gimana caranya akhirnya tuh pintu kamar mandi didobrak dari luar sama tukang bakso deket kostan yang dipanggil sama si ibu kost (to be continued…)